Colbert Super PAC

Dear Long Lost Super PAC Members,

Shh...act normal, and read this quietly. It's me, Stephen Colbert. I have hacked into the Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC email mainframe by guessing Jon's password. It was "silverhairedandsexy7." So obvious.

As you know, Jon Stewart has been holding this Super PAC hostage. I shudder to think how he's spending all of my beloved money. I bet he made the classic rookie mistake and went for the individually-wrapped caviar.

Luckily, I have a plan to get my Super PAC back – and this one is bound to work better than my previous plan: leaving out a pile of Acme Jon Seed in the road and trying to drop an anvil on him.

You see, I know something Jon doesn't. The Super PAC is too powerful for him. Like a wild stallion, it cannot be tamed. It wants to run free across the american electoral system. Jon Stewart will never break it – it will only break him.

So please, donate a little more the the Super PAC. Give it power. It will flex its money-haunches, burst free from its paddock, and gallop back home to me. Then I will braid its mane and tell it my dreams. Metaphorically, of course.

Yours truly,

Stephen Colbert
President-In-Exile
The Super PAC Previously Known As The Colbert Super PAC



Paid for by Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow
Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
www.colbertsuperpac.com